Danny the Guru Cat

in which we discuss - fkn txt spk

He's finished working on the Underground now. I hate it, coz he's chilled right out and don't rant nearly as much as he used to, and I do so love his rants. He does have one regular gripe that came up again over xmas, coz everyone was texting him. He hates text speak. He even hates writing 'don't' instead of 'doesn't' in the context above, but it's how he speaks so I make him do it. He really hates writing coz instead of 'because' as well, but I make him do that too COZ he's soft, and COZ of that I make him do whatever I want and he DON'T even know it! Anyway, he got tons (or tonnes if you're reading this in foreign) of texts from people. He had to save them all to answer them, coz he's the only jerk left on the planet that replies with 'big words' and even puts in the punctuation where it should go. "Thanks for a lovely day" can take him half an hour to text. He has virtually zero thumb dexterity, and he still has to poke his tongue out as he looks for keys like he does when he's colouring in. Sometimes I help him half way through a text, and that's when he does magic - and makes a phone fly...

in which we discuss - territorial disputes.. "The Showdown"

See this blog? It's mine innit? That's why I really don't like it when I'm out securing my perimeters and Winnie hijacks it with gooey crap. She thought she'd got away with it. I have a chunk of fur in my paw that comes from where the scab is on her head right now, that would suggest otherwise. She's not the only cat who made that mistake with me. Softboy was sorting out his library the other day, and he has a load of Geoff Thompson books. Geoff Thompson should have been a cat, coz he's 'ard, but he'll snooze on his wife Sharon's lap too. While he was sorting the books out, he was listening again to the audio version of Geoff's first book "Watch my back". It was pucker, and I really enjoyed it. You can get it at www.geoffthompson.com Softboy trained a bit with Geoff earlier this year, but he's still a woose. Now me and Geoff, we have stuff in common. We can 'ave it, but we'd rather have a peaceful life. I've had battles too, so I thought I'd write about mine. There used to be a big white and grey moose-like critter that lived around here whose-name-what-they-called-him was Basil. He used to test my boundaries a lot. One day, he pushed the limits, and I unleashed all kinds of hell on his arse. It's known by all the other cats locally as "The showdown"..