Danny the Guru Cat

cat chat - la luna

I feel really twitchy at the moment, really unsettled and I can't sit still. That's worms. He has pills for that, don't let him see you twitch or he'll look up your butt for worms, then start shoving pills down your neck. I don't have worms. I just feel like something is about to happen and a big change is about to come. Oh. That'll be constipation then. He has stuff for that too, but you're better off eating grass like I do, or he'll take you to the pervert vet who looks up your butt even if you go with earache. He should do summat about him. Oh Danny! Why does everything have to end up being about butts with you? It ain't me, it's that bloody vet. He's a sicko Win I'm telling you! Well he didn't keep looking up my butt when I had to be kept in the Vetspital for my skin problem. No, but you were coming apart at the seams weren't you? No-one with any sense would come near you at that time, 'cept Softy, and he used to get covered in some kind of icky skank off you when he did. Cat plague I think you had. Yes. Well that was then and this is now. It's in the past. I think that's why I feel twitchy. Nah, I'm telling you, it's a flea or summat. He has pills for that too. No, you're wrong. I'm sure it's the phase of the moon.....

winnie's words - l'amour sans frontieres

Hey. Winnie again. Just spent an hour on G's lap while his Lordship was checking his manor. We watched a Gaither xmas show he'd recorded. I've told you about them before, and how he isn't a christian, but he likes the country music. He loves the melodies that a lot of songs don't have anymore. At the end, they had a man playing a carol called Silent Night on what G said was a harmonica. G's eyes were watering. I don't why his eyes were watering as I'm not scabby at the moment, so he shouldn't be allergic to me now. Then he started singing it to me, but in strange words I haven't heard him use before. He said after that even though he doesn't believe the nativity story as it's portrayed, it was still a very important carol, and he'd sung it to me in another language that other people use called German...

in which we discuss - fkn txt spk

He's finished working on the Underground now. I hate it, coz he's chilled right out and don't rant nearly as much as he used to, and I do so love his rants. He does have one regular gripe that came up again over xmas, coz everyone was texting him. He hates text speak. He even hates writing 'don't' instead of 'doesn't' in the context above, but it's how he speaks so I make him do it. He really hates writing coz instead of 'because' as well, but I make him do that too COZ he's soft, and COZ of that I make him do whatever I want and he DON'T even know it! Anyway, he got tons (or tonnes if you're reading this in foreign) of texts from people. He had to save them all to answer them, coz he's the only jerk left on the planet that replies with 'big words' and even puts in the punctuation where it should go. "Thanks for a lovely day" can take him half an hour to text. He has virtually zero thumb dexterity, and he still has to poke his tongue out as he looks for keys like he does when he's colouring in. Sometimes I help him half way through a text, and that's when he does magic - and makes a phone fly...

in which we discuss - the bride that wore red

He was banging keys yesterday, when he took a call from a friend. She is suffering at the moment from the behaviour of some unscrupulous people who have taken a lot of money from her, and we're not talking enough to buy cases of Scottish smoked salmon here, we're talking enough to buy the lake. She isn't the only one of his friends these people have damaged, there are more. Too many of them. They chatted for a long time, and she said she'd been naive, and she probably felt embarrassed that she'd been gullible. She hadn't been though. She was just a really lovely and trusting person, who is finding it so hard to allow herself to believe that people would purposely do this kind of thing. It sounded like she wanted it all to be a terrible mistake. It isn't, they are just shit people. There are a lot of them about. That's why one bride wore red...