Cat chat - The birds

I thought you were bad for what you did to the daisy, but you really have stooped to a new low haven't you? Oh don't start. What is your issue this time? Birds. Birds? What all birds or any particular birds? Two birds. Two very dead young birds. Don't know anything about any dead birds. Birds he's been feeding and nurturing all winter. No he hasn't, they were young, he's been feeding the parents all winter, they wouldn't have been born until a couple of weeks ago.... generally speaking of course.... I still don't know what you're talking about. How could you Danny, how could you just do that to two poor little birds who hadn't even tasted life yet? He should be grateful. He's on his own, and it's the first pair of Tits he's had his hands on for a long time. Anyway, I'm a cat. It's what I do, and I didn't just go and do anything, it took a lot of preparation, and stealth, and skill, and timing, you know, waiting for the opportunity and being ready to go, and talking of tasty..... Do not go there! Look, I was following his lead wasn't I? It's all about health and safety legislation and Darwinism, you must have heard him rant on about that. Not unusually I haven't the faintest idea what you're on about, but I'm sure you'll enlighten me...... 

Look, the rules of evolution are about survival of the fittest, the strongest and least stupid. Their parents had their eggs in a nest that wasn't even a challenge to that pretend cat his mate had whose name what they called him was Thar. Who the hell was Thar? He was a pretend cat, what his mate had. You already said that, and once again you're talking in complete riddles. What, was he an imaginary cat or something? No, he was flesh and blood, but he was just plain crap at being a cat. He'd try to jump on the sofa and smack his face on the cushion and get catapulted back across the room. In the garden, the birds would just carry on eating when he turned up, in fact, more came down just to catch the show. They'd watch him and take the piss as he did all the stalky stuff, then when he was about a foot from a 90 year old crippled pigeon, he'd pounce and miss, ending up in an undignified heap. The birds used to piss themselves laughing.

I don't believe you. No, really, I reckon his eyesight was shot. Softboy said he was like Clarence the boss eyed lion, one eye looking at you, the other one looking for you. What has this to do with Darwinism and health and safety, or are you just spouting crap again? No, look, their nest wasn't even a challenge right? It was so low and accessible that I think the parents should be done for child neglect. A bit like those people who have babies on their laps in cars and smoke in the car with the windows shut. If you build a nest that low, it's not even a gamble with their lives, it's a foregone conclusion. You still haven't said how that's anything to do with evolution! Oh give me a minute will you? Look, survival of the fittest and smartest. The parents were stupid. The fledglings had the parents genes, therefore they'd grow up stupid too. Best cull them now while it's a cinch, that way the defective stupidity gene is wiped out of the lineage. So where does health and safety come in, we don't do health and safety, its a human thing. Exactly! That's where he says health and safety rules interfere with natural selection. They should let all the stupid people die out in accidents as soon as possible, then you are left with only sensible people in the work place, and everybody wins! Except the relatives of the ones who were lost in the accidents. They would have to live with the grief. Nah, only for a while, then they'd end up joining them as they'd have the stupid gene too. Health and safety legislation interferes with evolution. I think you're just making this all up to justify being a vicious little swine. You can talk! You're a cat too and you have exactly the same instincts. I've seen you get that face on when you feel the urge. I do not! Oh excuse me why don't you? We just happen to have a picture of you practicing murder on on a nip sack, and you don't do that unless you mean it do you? You're the same as me, I'm just honest about it like him that's all. I don't kill things, just because I work out on the bag doesn't mean I want to kill things or people any more than he wants to train to kill people when he works out on his bag. It's just a fitness thing. Yeah? So's dance. The Fitcat used to do that, she didn't do martial arts like him, or rip bags up like you. When he brought her back a flick-knife from Germany for her handbag she was horrified. She even lost the can of Mace he brought back on the next trip. If you were like her and didn't like violence, you could dance. Cats don't dance, and people don't kill. Are you havin a laugh!? We kill for practice or for food. They do it for any number of reasons that are nothing to do with survival. Worse than that, they don't put themselves on the line, they have a few people who don't fight who put millions of others in front of them to do the dirty work, then create weapons to do it en masse. On D-day as many French civilians were killed in some towns as allied soldiers. Most of the populations of Nagasaki and Hiroshima were wiped out with two bombs in one hit. 6 million people whose breed what they called them was Jews were killed in mechanical slaughter houses. Don't get me and him started on Africa and South America. Where do you get all this from? We aren't supposed to bother about things that they do. You don't think I just sit on his newspapers do you? Or sit and take no notice of the stuff he researches on the web? You can't be a gurucat and not know what's going on Winnie, and what they do affects us too. I think you're just very good at fudging over the original conversation about you killing two sweet young birds. I wasn't talking about all those things that I don't understand, and anyway, I don't think G would have it in him to kill anyone. No? So he hasn't told you about the man he ran over in his car then? He didn't kill him, but he tried. He wouldn't run a hedgepig over, so I can't imagine he'd run a man over! Ah, but he likes hedgepigs, it's people he don't give a shit about. What on earth would make him do that? There was a gang of men in the London a long time ago... What's a London? Don't worry about that, it's something he goes to. Sounds crap whatever it is. Anyway, he was at traffic lights and they started to try and rock his car. One tried to open the warm bit you like to sleep on, and he thought he was in trouble, so he made it go back a way, then made it go forward really quick, and one stood in the way. What happened.  He wentabitThar.com and bounced off over the side and ended up in the road looking stupid. What did G do when that happened. Dunno, some sort of battle cry I think. What happened to the man? We don't give a shit. He was obviously one of the stupid ones. Perhaps he evolved a bit quick that day. I find all of this very hard to believe and understand. Never mind. Anyway, can't stand here nattering all day with you. I have stuff to do. Like what. Like get up the conifers at the end of my territory and evolve some Blackbirds. DANNY!! Sorry, can't hear you. Get your people to call my people......

 

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